+George was lying in the oncology unit of the local hospital. 64 years old, body ravaged by cancer, he knew his earthly life was ending. In a voice enfeebled by illness he called out to his daughter who sat nearby. Faintly she made out the words: “I was a lousy father. “ The look of shame sadness and resignation on his face was profound. The daughter came close to him, took his hand and said, “no you weren’t. You did the best you possibly could and I wouldn’t trade you for another father.”
Of course, technically, George was correct---over the course of his life as a father--- he had not been the greatest dad. But he had done the best he could under the circumstances…and, and this is most important of all, he had confronted the demons which haunted him, made amends and was living a good life. What he may have lacked at times as a Dad he was making up for as a grandpa. George, as he lay dying, was a good man and a good father…somehow, his daughter thought, he needs to believe that….because he needs to believe that there is a forgiving God who when Dad arrives in heaven, will say to him. Well done my son, well done. The daughter knew that this fear of being a failure as a dad was causing her father great distress---indeed he was terrified of dying, terrified of having to account for the mistakes he had made. [Somehow, the daughter thought, he needs to know that it’s ok. That all is forgiven.]
Some of you may have already guessed, but the daughter in that story is me, and George? George is my dad who died in 1993. I won’t bore you with all the details, but believe me when I tell you; my father was a good man and a great father. He was also human and he made some really big mistakes but, in the end, on his last day, he had cleaned up his messes and as he lay dying, he had four children and four grandchildren who loved him, forgave him and wanted nothing more than for his struggles and his pain to be over.
Had I known then, that evening a couple of days before he died, what I know now, I would have said, “Dad the God of Hosea[the God in our reading from Hebrew scripture this morning] is the God of those who are afraid, for those who are ashamed for those who feel worthless. The God of today’s Gospel, The God of Jesus is a God of unending forgiveness and grace. A God for those who long for redemption. Dad you have knocked and the door has been opened, you’ve asked and you’ve received.”
Our reading from Hosea is a little disturbing. It depicts a God who threatens to completely abandon Israel. Lo-ruhamah, the name Gomer is to name her daughter means “No Mercy” and Lo-ammi, the name for her son, means “Not My People.” This is one angry bitter God.
Of course, I doubt God really say all that. This is how Hosea imagined God would speak, this is how Hosea believed God would behave because Hosea knew that God’s people had turned their back on the God of their ancestors, and like a parent who has given everything to his child only to have the child reject it all, Hosea imagined that God would react with rage. Who can blame him?—We, as humans, can’t imagine a God who, when we disappoint, when we miss the mark, would never—ever--exact revenge on us, would never –ever--wish us harm, would never—ever-- abandon us. That just isn’t God.
But, that abundant love, that Love which longs to dwell among us, is so difficult for us to understand, so hard to comprehend.
Even with Jesus among them, the disciples still didn’t understand that God so loved them that all they needed to do was knock and the door would be open, all they had to do was have faith and trust that the God of Abraham and Moses, the God of Amos and Hosea, the God of Judith and Esther, the God of John the Baptist and the God of Mary, will always forgive those who ask forgiveness, will always find those who seek and will always love us. Whether we believe it or not.
We don’t deserve that love, we don’t earn that love, and we don’t get that love as a door prize.
We get that love because God wants to give it.
This love is there, just waiting for us to accept it by saying, “take me Lord, for I’m yours.”
That’s what Jesus is teaching us in His prayer---ask God to be with us, ask God to provide and then step back and allow God to do so, remembering that what we want and what God longs for us may not look the same.
Our focus is on what we want, God’s is on what we need.
Our focus is on the temporal while God’s focus is on the eternal. So what we ask for may not be what we get, but it will be what we need.
In that hospital room so many years ago what I witnessed was a man, broken by the temporal and terrified of the eternal, fearing that his actions would bring the wrath of the Hosea God, laying himself bare before the God of Jesus and saying, not my will, but yours. Forgive me what I have done, accept me for who I am and take me, for I am yours.
And you know what? A few days later, as he took his final breaths he was no longer a broken man with regret, he was a man who had been forgiven, healed and renewed. A man who had knocked and had the door opened for him. A man who had asked and then received.
May we all remember that God longs to have us accept The Love which surpasses all understanding. And may we all find the strength to knock on that door. +
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